SchMucks Chocolate
our chocolate

Our Chocolate Bars

$11 per bar · All natural ingredients · Collectible card in every bar

still fermenting

Coming Soon

Chapters we're still cooking up in the SchMucks kitchen. Not for sale yet — but worth watching for.

The Halloween Chapter — Murl and the gang go trick-or-treating — until the backyard skeletons decide to join the party.
coming soon

The Halloween Chapter

Halloween Series

Coming Soon

A Halloween chapter is in the works. Flavors, foil, and comic art are still fermenting in the SchMucks kitchen. Sign up on the contact page to hear when it drops.

counting down to Halloween

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the chapters

The Bars

1st Batch — 58% — Puerto Rican nibs with banana flavor notes
Sold Out
the flagship

Chapter One — Where It All Started

1st Batch — 58%

Our flagship bar. Bean-to-bar, handmade with Hacienda Jean Marie Puerto Rican nibs that reveal subtle banana flavor notes. Three simple ingredients: cacao nib, cacao butter, and maple sugar.

The bar that started the whole racket. Puerto Rican nibs that somehow taste faintly of banana — we promise we didn't add any.

  • •58% cacao content
  • •Hacienda Jean Marie Puerto Rican nibs
  • •Three ingredients: cacao nib, cacao butter, maple sugar
  • •Bean-to-bar, handmade
$11.00Sold Out
50/50 Breakfast Bar — Cacao meets single-origin coffee
the energizer

The 4 P.M. Chapter

50/50 Breakfast Bar

A 50% cacao base combined with single-origin coffee flavoring. Made with Oko Caribe Dominican nibs for a darker, smokier profile. Your afternoon energizer.

Cacao and single-origin coffee, for the hour you'd otherwise give up on. Darker, smokier, faintly caffeinated ambition.

  • •50% cacao base + single-origin coffee
  • •Oko Caribe Dominican nibs
  • •Darker, smokier profile
  • •Afternoon energizer
$11.00Order by Email
Holiday Gelt Bars — Gold foil wrapped with collectible card inserts
the seasonal

The Holiday Chapter

Holiday Gelt Bars

Seasonal

57% dark chocolate wrapped in gold foil. Three simple ingredients: cacao nib, cacao butter, and maple sugar. Some varieties sprinkled with Maldon Sea Salt. Each bar includes a card insert with chances to win 3D printed merchandise or additional chocolate.

Gold-foil gelt — dark, simple, some dusted with Maldon salt. Made to be handed out.

  • •57% dark chocolate
  • •Gold foil wrapping
  • •Some with Maldon Sea Salt
  • •Collectible card inserts with prizes

what's inside

Card insert tucked inside — chances to win 3D-printed merch or another bar of chocolate.

the comic

Murl rides the holiday turkey through the neighborhood, distributing gelt to squirrels of questionable moral standing.

Holiday Gelt Bars — Murl rides the holiday turkey through the neighborhood, distributing gelt to squirrels of questionable moral standing.
$11.00Order by Email
Baseball Series 1 — Limited edition milk chocolate with collectible cards
the limited

The Sandlot Chapter

Baseball Series 1

Limited

Only 70 baseball bars produced — 30 milk chocolate. Each bar comes with a collectible baseball card. 5 winning cards with a 7% chance of winning a Limited Edition 3D Printed SchMucks Figurine.

Milk chocolate, a genuinely small run, and a collectible baseball card tucked into every wrapper.

  • •Limited edition: only 70 bars produced
  • •Collectible baseball card included
  • •7% chance to win a 3D printed figurine
  • •Milk chocolate

what's inside

Collectible baseball card in every bar — a winning card carries a 7% shot at a 3D-printed SchMucks figurine.

the comic

Murl steps up to the plate on the forest sandlot, bat in paw, while the neighborhood critters heckle from the dugout log.

Baseball Series 1 — Murl steps up to the plate on the forest sandlot, bat in paw, while the neighborhood critters heckle from the dugout log.
$11.00Order by Email
Independence 250 Series — Revolutionary Series — collectible card-bar.
the revolutionaries

Independence 250 — The Revolutionary Chapter

Independence 250 Series

Six limited-run Revolutionary-era card-bars, each with its own collectible card insert. Collect the full set to redeem the Independence 250 3D-printed prize.

Six Revolutionary-era card-bars, one very patriotic squirrel.

  • •Six Revolutionary-era card-bars
  • •Each bar includes a collectible card insert
  • •Collect all six to redeem the 3D-printed prize
  • •Bean-to-bar, handmade

what's inside

Six collectible cards. Collect the full set to redeem the Independence 250 3D-printed prize.

the comic

Murl and Midge defend the tomato garden against redcoat groundhogs in the summer of 1776.

Independence 250 Series — Murl and Midge defend the tomato garden against redcoat groundhogs in the summer of 1776.
$11.00Order by Email